Posts tagged 'soft stuff'.

72 hours - use it or lose it!

Nov 11 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 43
Last Wednesday, when I was presenting at the 2018 Training Conference someone asked me a very good question - where does the belief come from that if you fail to implement sth new that you've learnt in the 72 hours that follow, then you are likely to never implement or learn it? Read more »

On Staying Calm - About Glass Walls and Acting Counter-Intuitive

Jan 11 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 42

Conversations with people are great catalysts. So, pay attention to yours. :) Get inspired, get thinking, because if we are lucky, people tell us not what we want to hear, but what we need to hear when we need to hear it.

Today I had another conversation about getting upset and what to do about it. This is applicable in negotiations, mediations as well as in personal life.

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About World Views - the Flexible Will Inherit the Earth. Or Perhaps Mars.

Jan 09 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 8

Today I had a conversation that made me realise that the way we see the world influences all our interactions - business partnerships and business divorces, negotiations, mediations, any form of communication, really.

What I’m talking about is a distributive/divisive versus plentiful view of the world. The flexible will inherit the Earth. Or perhaps Mars. Or an Earth-like planet. Let me explain.

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The Art of Asking Questions

Mar 24 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 8
Do we ask enough questions? Or are we geared towards making assumptions as well as making ourselves understood by persuading, explaining, arguing? What was the last good question you asked someone that made a difference? Read more »

Change - why is it so difficult to put to practice?

Jan 21 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
As an agent of change - promoting effective communication when negotiating deals and resolving disputes and coaching people to be the best version of themselves - I have been asking myself lately - WHY do we dare change only when the results are near-guaranteed? Read more »

On Inspiration - Who Have YOU Inspired Lately?

Dec 01 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
Recent elevator-pitches of what I do at various events have led me to think quick on my feet to explain HOW does inspiring people to change - the common denominator behind my mediation, negotiation trainings and coaching practice - work, exactly. Read more »

Changing Your Negotiation Style

Oct 28 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
Change is inevitable. Today, you are not the same person you were 10 years ago. Somewhere along the way you have chosen to adopt new skills and learn new things. Including to get smarter about negotiations. Read more »

Trial by media - a helping hand or a "helping hand" in disputes?

Oct 15 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0

Let’s talk about escalating disputes with the help of journalists aka trial by media.

To start off, I completely understand the need to relay newsworthy items to the public at large so they would a. Know about it; b. Be able to make better decisions based on better information and c. Learn from others’ experience, whatever the lesson. Sometimes investigative journalism uncovers stories that we are all better for knowing as they then get resolved and not swept under the carpet.

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Work conflicts - how to solve and anticipate them

Sep 25 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
Employment terminations. “Do you need someone else, with a completely different skill set to do the job that I am doing now?” was a question one of my co-workers and subordinates asked me during a performance assessment. My honest answer was “yes”. Since I had prepared the documents with the HR for a potential exit already, I produced an array of options the company was offering. As a result, a week later, the company and the employee parted ways on amicable terms. Well, at least no one sued anyone, so the severance payout to the employee must have been satisfactory and the legal side held up. Read more »

Tools for calming others

Sep 12 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 1
Everyone gets upset. Ok, now that we’ve covered how to get yourself energised (16.8.14) and how to calm yourself down before and during negotiations (28.8.14), it’s time to talk about how to calm other people down. First, it helps for others to be calm when YOU stay calm.  See post from 28.8.2014. Read more »

7 tools for calm

Aug 28 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
Have you ever felt your blood starting to boil at the negotiation table when someone is issuing unreasonable demands or yelling or just being…ummm…unpleasant? How do you calm yourself down instantly? How do you calm yourself down before a presentation, before giving a speech, before an important interview or appearing in court? Read more »

Tools for energy

Aug 16 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
Yesterday, during an all-day negotiations training for some über smart attorneys we discussed how best to prepare for negotiations mentally and physically, not just procedurally and content-wise. I think it’s time to talk about power posing as tools for energy. Read more »

Assumption is the mother of all...mishaps. :)

Aug 10 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
What we say is not necessarily what others hear. It’s not about saying what you don’t mean or not saying what you do mean. We make assumptions that translate into conclusions that translate into actions.  Climbing up a ladder of inference.  Read more »

Conflicts and tone of voice - as promised

Jul 29 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
If 90% of conflicts are due to wrong tone of voice, then this means that HOW we say things matters very much.

So, HOW do we say things? Quietly, assertively, demandingly, flippantly, ironically, quickly, slowly, overly patiently to the point of sounding condescending, excitedly, gloomily… and in 1001 various other ways. A happy “Hello!” can create a good mood, just like an angry “Fine!” can damage a relationship by leaving things unsaid.

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Conflicts and Communication - Senses in Action

Jul 23 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 3
Recently, I read somewhere that 10% of conflicts are due to difference in opinion and 90% are due to wrong tone of voice. Basically, what conflicts boil down to is miscommunication. People live and travel globally and use techy means like Skype, Viber, WhatsApp, emails and text messaging to do business. If most of the communication between business partners is electronic and not in person - how easy is it to misunderstand or not hear what the other person said or meant? Has the evolution of communication technology led to increased corporate conflicts? Read more »

What I do and why

Jul 16 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
A lot of my friends and acquaintances have recently enquired whether I am still on or have I extended my sabbatical from my post as a member of the management of a listed company...or congratulated me on returning to the honourable profession of an attorney...or enquired what is it that I do, really. I think it's time to clarify. :) Read more »

It's All ABout Prep

Jul 09 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
How much do you really prepare before negotiations? Do you wing it, because you’re highly adaptable? Or do you do thorough research? Or do you use a negotiation approach once taught to you by your mentor? Read more »

People Are Not Their Behaviour

Jul 02 • Ilona Nurmela • Comments: 0
Have you ever gotten angry at someone for behaving a business setting? Ever (inwardly or out loud) cursed the opposing lawyer for getting in your way in negotiations by standing firm on a wishful-thinking position or a completely unrealistic number?   Or, perhaps, after years of things going smoothly, the co-founder of your business venture, a person known to be difficult, is accusing you of doing something you didn’t and you suspect the accusation is merely him/her not getting their way? Read more »